Since this Momma has long lost any familiarity with dress shops, I've dropped by with something else to say. And you can totally ignore it if you want to, but it is something that has been on my heart for a while.
It started a few years ago, when I began venturing out of the house with a kid, and then two kids, and then even more kids. People would stop, smile, chat, and then drop that sentence on me like a stealthy, snide bomb:
"Oh, you think you're busy now? Just wait till they're older...."
Why? Just why?
It's like telling someone who is drowning that things aren't so bad yet.... just wait for that waterfall that's around the next corner.
Cheers, my friend. Thanks for the advice. I'll ponder it while I drown my sorrows in a tall glass of purple juice and 4 loads of laundry that need to be folded.
I'm here to argue that statement. Or at least convince people to meet me at the halfsies point. Because I don't think life with older kids is busier. And I don't think that life with little kids is busier, either.
I think they're DIFFERENT BUSY.
Gasp. Yes, it's a new concept.
There is something so intimidating to a Mom of young kids to hear that life is just going to get more insane as the kids get older. But what these Moms of older kids are conveniently forgetting to tell us is that some of those crazy moments that we deal with now will also disappear as our kids age.
Consider Scenario 1: You are told that when your kids get older, they will be involved in more activities in the evenings, and your nights will be spent as "Taxi Mom". You start to look for your hyperventilating bag because now, once those kids are in bed, you savour that precious alone time. After all, it's the only quiet you've had all day.
What they're forgetting to tell you is that once your kids are older, they're not going to be attached to your hip, back, or bosom 24/7. Once those kids are older, and more independent, you may actually get to go pee by yourself. Alone time during the day? What a novel concept!
Scenario 2: Helpful Hilda tells you that you will have no free time when you're kids are older because you will fill that now-available daytime with volunteering, school activities, or maybe working part time. And don't forget that there are still the regular household activities that still need to be done, regardless of your child's age.
True story. I'm not even going to argue that one. But may I point out scenario 1's answer again, as well as the fact that some of these "older kid commitments" can be carefully selected or even politely turned down? (pretty sure I can't turn down my crying baby, or naughty toddler during the day, no matter how polite I am.)
Scenario 3: Having older kids is so much busier and harder because their problems are bigger, and more stressful. When you have small kids, their problems are small and easy to fix.
First of all, I'm going to recommend that you don't say this to a Mom that has a child with anxiety, behavioral problems, or any type of issue. In fact, play it safe and don't say this at all. Because there's a good chance you have NO idea how big the problems are of that Mom and her young child.
But let's just say that we're dealing with your classic little kid problem versus big kid problem. Then I'd have to agree. I'm sure that big kid problems are tough to deal with. But, when it's my turn, I'm counting on having a full nights worth of sleep to tackle those problems with my older child. Because getting up at night with a baby, and then up for the day at 5:30am with my cheerful 3 year old barely leaves me with the ability to tie shoes.
But the idea I'd really like you to leave with is this:
Busy is NOT a Virtue. It's not a competition. It's not even a thing. So let's stop pretending that it is.
Instead, can we all just work on ENCOURAGING all Moms, no matter what stage we're at? If I can be totally honest, I'd probably melt into a sappy puddle if someone said to me, "Good job, Momma. Keep going!"
As they say,
The days are long, but the years are short.
(sometimes the days feel really, REALLY long. But I suppose to an experienced Momma, those years must sometimes feel really, REALLY short and long ago!
