Homeschool Truth Bombs

I'm pretty sure God has a sense of humor. You've seen a platypus, right? Or that time Alberta looked like this:

But at the very top of my list would have to be the fact that I'm a homeschooling mom. I don't remember exact dates, but I specifically remember a conversation with someone in which I said the following:

"If there came a time where we had to homeschool,

Colin would have to stay home, and I'd work full time.

There is NO WAY I could ever homeschool."

Pretty sure that's the only reason our family now has a few years of homeschool behind us, with no plans of stopping.  

Reasons for homeschooling are unique to every family, so I won't bore anyone with the details of how our family decided it was the best option for us. However, because we chose to homeschool when there is a church-run school accessible to us, we are often questioned on our decision. Thankfully, most of these questions are asked from a respectful and curious point of view, and for that I am truly thankful. 

I was very pleased to have a curious person ask me a few questions about how we made homeschooling work, and was asked to be truly honest about our experience thus far. I searched in vain for a blog post I had read recently that perfectly summarized my thoughts, but when I could not find it, I decided to dust off my old blog and recreate the blog post I had read.

So, without further ado, here is an interview that I conducted with the members of my family regarding their thoughts on homeschooling: the good, the bad, and the ugly. (Although we all concluded that the only ugly part of homeschooling was my fuzzy purple housecoat....)  

Andrew (age: 10.5)

Me: What are some benefits of homeschooling? Can you tell me some of your favourite activities?

Andrew: I can work as fast or as slow as I need. I'm able to use the afternoons to work on my hobbies because my school work only takes a couple of hours. I love to read, and I'm able to spend the whole afternoon reading if I want to. I can be involved in many activities. I love the board game meet ups on Fridays. I'm part of a provincial bible quizzing team, and our first competition is  next weekend. I play a lot of violin, and I'm getting my audition piece ready for the Edmonton Youth Orchestra. I love to build things with my friends....we get together almost every afternoon when they get home from school. And I can't wait till art day. My aunt comes once a month and we do art and art history for a whole day. One of my winter projects is extracting essential oils from plants. I've been researching how to do it in the afternoons. My other winter project is to sew a Ranger's Apprentice cape. I think if I was in school, I wouldn't be able to do all these things, and still have time for school work. 

(I'll interject here. Andrew is right. If he was schooled, there is no way we could afford or have the time for him to devout this amount of passion to music, art, and other extra-curricular activities)

Me: What are some downsides to homeschooling?

Andrew: When people find out that you're homeschooled, they think that you're weird or anti-social. But it's funny because they only think that after I tell them. Sometimes my brothers and sister get on my nerves, but then I just go in my room. I also don't like waiting till 3:30 for my friends to come home so I can play with them. 

(Interjection: Andrew's "cons" made me laugh. He later said that there were no real downsides that he could think of.)

Clara (age: 7.5)

Me: What do you like about homeschooling?

Clara: I like learning from you, and playing the violin. (apparently she thinks that only homeschoolers can play violin ?!?!?) I like to go to homeschool swimming lessons and playdates with the V's. (another homeschool family) I love homeschool day at the science centre. (our local science centre offers once-a-month science classes for homschooers) I like art classes with Aunt J and I can't wait to draw. I love to sing at choir and.... (at this point the conversation deviated into things that she "liked" that weren't necessarily related to homeschooling.)

Me: What do you think you'd like about going to regular school. (Clara only went to K at PICS, and therefore doesn't have much a reference point)

Clara: I think I'd like to ride the bus, and play with S (a cousin) at recess. (she may like the idea of riding the bus, but I don't think she realizes that she'd be on it till almost 5pm. Hahaha!)

Andrea (age: 29 forever)

In an effort to keep this post under 253 pages, I will very briefly summarize my view on pros and cons. But please know that it pains me to do so.....I could elaborate on these extensively! 

Pros

• more family time, ability to spend time on the important teaching moments and not feel like I have to rush them out the door. I get the very best part of my kids, instead of the left-overs of them when they come home from school. 
• an overall sense of less rushing! We are very deliberate with our activity choices so we are able to live calmly. (well, as calm as one can be with 4 ridiculously loud children.)
• a tailor-made education. You can ensure all the basics are met, and then leave the children to pursue their (many) passions. You'd be amazed at what a self-motivated child can accomplish. (you read that part about Andrew extracting essential oils from plants? Certainly nothing I came up with.....)
• the ability to let a child's capability dictate the speed of learning. A teacher must teach to the middle ground, which means a faster learner is bored and a slower learner never really learns. 
• you really learn how to work together as a family. I'm not one of those moms who would claim that my kids are each other's best friends, but they really have learned to get along and play together much more than I think they would if in school.
• you can teach your child HOW to learn. The reason homeschooling works is not because the parents are brilliant, but because they have taught their child how to learn. 
• the ability to spend whatever time is needed in those character and teaching moments. And spending as long as we want in any area, for that matter. Sometimes our morning devotions last 25 minutes. Other days it's over an hour because we found something essential to discuss. 
• the flexibility cannot be beat.   
• many "little" things like not having to make lunches, not having to catch the bus when it's freezing, etc. 
• the ability to choose curriculum when you feel it is best or most appropriate for your child. (although since my kids went to a church-run school, this was never a concern for me. Definitely one of the advantages of sending your kids to a school where you trust the teachers!)
• bullying. Again, this was not a problem for my children in the school they previously attended, but I wouldn't doubt that this would be at the top of the list for many parents who homeschool.  

Cons 

• possible judgment and criticism from friends, family, and strangers at Costco. (thankfully my friends {both homeschooling and non} and my family have been very supportive!) 

My philosophy is that if someone has outright said something very offensive or downright incorrect about our decision, (for example, that we are not fulfilling our baptismal vows because we're not sending our children to the Canadian Reformed School), then I really do not put an effort in to defending our reasons. I know they're wrong and that we're only answerable to God for the decisions we've made. The same goes for the cashiers at Superstore, who ask weird and rude questions to my children and myself. I simply don't bother putting an effort in to change their minds. As far as I can tell, they're not open to any view but their own.

On the flip side, if there is a genuinely curious person who asks polite and honest questions, I am happy to give them any information. 

• Mom is stressed and is likely tired all the time. 

Well, I believe that all parents are tired, whether they homeschool or not. But there is this responsibility that sits on your shoulders when you know that YOU are solely responsible for the education of your child, but I try to view that as more of a challenge than a stress. (I have my days, though.....)

• a feeling of isolation from the school community.

This one is a possibility, but my answer so far has been to try and volunteer in the church/school community as much as I'm able.

• a messy house

This. This is the real con. My nemesis and proverbial thorn in my side. But mostly because I'm slightly neurotic about a tidy house. Thankfully my dear husband understands my sickness and regularly gives me a kid-free hour so I can clean to my heart's content. There is just no way you can educate your children during the day, and keep up with all the other household duties. Hence the reason why my super-husband took over cooking. He says he enjoys cooking but, really, it was self-preservation. I had pretty much stopped thinking of food as a necessary part of survival.  

  

Colin (age: old enough)

(warning: I have translated this post for your benefit. Although not perfect, I do hope that it reflects the general message given in it's original form, "Geek/Teacher-Lingo-ese")

Me: What are the benefits of homeschooling? 

Colin: (for those who are not aware of Colin's background, he is a math/comp-sci teacher at Harry Ainlay, a public high school in Edmonton.)

There are flaws in the school system that cannot be changed. I know many excellent teachers, yet their hands are tied because of the system. Homeschooling gets to the heart of education without all the red tape. There is so much freedom to be found in homeschooling. There's an inevitable time in school where the the student loses their love and zest for learning. Their curiosity is gone, and they simply don't care about what they are learning. (or know why they have to learn it) There could be much more to add, but I'll leave it at that.

a note on curiosity- My mom took Andrew to Ontario this summer and was asked - twice- by complete strangers if he was homeschooled. The reason for the question? He was curious about things and talked to these strangers with ease. They also assumed Andrew was my mom's son...what can I say? I hope I get those genes!

Me: What could our kids miss out on by not going to a school?

Colin: One of the most common questions from non-homeschoolers is why we believe we are qualified to teach our kids. I think many people believe that only teachers are qualified to educate. There is no doubt that teachers are experts in their field. To have a passionate teacher that passes on their love of a subject to a student is invaluable. However, I think homeschooling parents have the edge because they are truly invested in their child. And we can "hack" the system by taking advantage of opportunities to expose our kids to passionate teaching, whether from ourselves or someone else. (a tutor, coach, grandparent, etc)

(Interjection: Colin, like me, had a hard time thinking of cons. Which brings me to the last part of this post and, due to the nature of the topic, received its own special section.)

 The "S" Word

Ask any homeschooler what their pet peeve is, and 99% of them will answer, "When people ask us what we plan on doing about socialization." 

Seriously, it's what prompts homeschoolers to do this:

Or this:

But usually we try to have a good sense of humor about it all, so we do this:

At any rate, non-homeschoolers have pretty much accepted the socialization myth as gospel truth. Why? Hard to say. Probably because we can all remember that *ONE* weird homeschool kid we met once. (Never mind the dozens of weird kids that we can recall from school. Heck, I was probably one of them.) 

But here is my standard reply to this question:

What is your definition of "socialization"?

If socialization means the ability to "fit in" with 30 kids who are all born in the same year as my child, then I will plainly tell you that I have no desire for my child to be "socialized". Socialization is SO much more than the ability to fit in. What I hope to build in my children is the ability to converse with anyone of any age in a kind, polite, and intelligent manner. With eye contact. 

Here's where the "all homeschoolers are unsocialized" myth comes in to play. And I'll use a true event with a hypothetical ending to illustrate my point:

Andrew returned home after playing with his friends. He asked my what the "Whip and Nae Nae" was. His schooled friends could not believe that he didn't know what it was.

So I showed him. 

Watch me Whip/Nae Nae

Can we all agree that if true socialization is based on knowing what the whip/nae nae is, then our world is doomed? 

But here's the hypothetical part. 

Imagine that my son's friends concluded that it was Andrew's homeschool upbringing that attributed to his lack of knowledge in things of importance. Or maybe Andrew's curiosity or friendly nature to people, regardless of age, resulted in those people concluding that homeschoolers are weird. ("Why is that 10 year old kid talking to me in public? I'm 12! He's so weird!")
It's so terribly wrong and, may I add, terribly unfair. Are there no "weird" kids in public schools? I thought people claimed sending my kid to a school would fix all those socialization problems? 

The only difference between a "weird" homeschooled kid, and a "weird" schooled kid is that the kid who goes to school will likely have his originality bullied out of him. 

And the homeschooled kid will be blissfully unaware that he is "weird". (Or rather, "weird" by the definition of children born the same year as him.) 

And I'm totally cool with that.

In conclusion, I would like to stress very deeply that I am in favour of all methods of education. There is no "one size fits all". Some kids thrive in a school setting. Others don't. Some families are able to homeschool. Others don't feel like it's the right choice for them. Some people can't afford to send their children to a private Christian school. Others feel like sending your kids to a Christian school is the only viable option. Some want their children in the public system so they can be a light to the world. Others want to shelter their children a little longer. 

Whatever you have chosen for your family, don't let anyone tell you it's the wrong choice. You know your child better than anyone.

I'll be there 100% to back you up.

Blessings,

Andrea